An Open Letter for My Sister [and Brother]

ʟ ᴜ ᴄ ʏ
8 min readAug 26, 2020

I have someone who thinks of me as her own (elder) sister and she frequently complained about a lot of things to me. The reason why I decided to write it here, because she never wanted to listen to my advice and as if she forced me to give answers of Yes-No questions.

Model by me | Camera belongs to Clovis Lim | Photo by Ivan Ng

Will I be married next year?

A question that my sister ask on every stage of her life, and my answer is always the same “I don’t know.” ㅎㅎㅎ I mean I’m not a psychic and she is not in relationship at that time. I ask her to pray, and I taught her how to make a proposal to God — what criteria for the life partner she wanted. But I guess she’s just too lazy to pray and choose to waiting for Godot.

Finding my Eden

In Catholic/Christian the view of Eden is a place where we work and fruit from there. So, before we looking for partner it is better to find our Eden first, focus in our works. From there we will find the match partner who love the same fields as we do.

Why are the people who are approaching all poor?

This is the second question that she ask every time someone want to get to know her. She is a pretty girl, tall, with white and smooth skin but a bit chubby. My answer will be “How much is your value?”

Her biggest dream is to get married a handsome, well-established and rich man with a good body. Well if I become a man I will be searching a mature-wise woman, independently, actively working/creating and not see how much cards that I have. Because a rich people, especially business-man/woman will looking something as an investment.

What do you see/search from your partner?

“Would you be happy if you married a rich guy [or a woman if you were a man]?”, I ask her back and she tries to change the subject. I will tell some of the stories that I’ve got from life experiences after this.

The body as an object

So, this is my story; I’m not gonna tell you all, just some of craziest moment. In junior high school I once had a crush on one of my seniors. He is very popular. Even though the person he likes is someone else, but his is still very nice to me. Then I said to God, I also want to be popular like that. Believe it or not in the following year it did happen. I receive many calls from boys (well, at least one or two or three most days). Some of them even came to my house just for chat. I also tailed by a classmate because he wanted to know where I lived. Glance like celebrity, but it makes me tired/frustrated and in the end I ask God to stop it all.

Yes it was stop. Up to senior high school I still a lil bit popular, again I receive many calls at 10th grade. They ask me out after school etc. I had to make lots of excuses to lie (because I didn’t want to go out or to open with someone that I didn’t crush). Some were hurt and upset because I didn’t really respond, thus they’re giving a letter with unfavorable words. From there I learned that before asking for a blessing, we should ask for the strength to be able to receive those blessing.

After graduate and start looking for the right person, it seems that people only see from outward appearances. That’s not wrong, because if there is no physical attraction it is also difficult to produce maximum chemistry. After all, after married we’ll see he/she every day after waking up in bed, right. But if only look from appearance, that person won’t be faithful to his/her partner. They will ask lots of demands, and someone will immediately get dumped when she/he get older or can not maintain their body/face/appearance.

One day someone called the office where I worked repeatedly and texting me dozens of times. She ask my help, because her younger brother-in-law force just want to marry me. He even wants to build a house the way I want it. “Wattt??! Oh-mi-gosh!” We only meet at an event and just glimpsed from afar and… never talk to each other — we don’t even know each other.

At this age — who should be married but don’t have a partner — makes me have to accept being paired. Once when I was introduced to a (rich) smoker widower and after talking several times (not even a week) via Whatsapp he was planning to marry me. How did I know, because he told me when I said that it seemed I wasn’t a right woman for him. There was no meaningful talk at that time (of course with some other considerations), he never asked about my work, hobbies or anything about me. He only said that I was beautiful like his ideal woman.

I don’t wanna playing hard to get, my skin is not even smooth with lots of pimples, stretchmarks (there’s a story behind it, but I won’t tell it here) and very skinny. But communication and feeling valued are important, as is an interest in living life.

Definition of being prosperous

There are 2 things in looking for wealth, intellectually/talent and money. I will not discuss what my sister want anymore (because it was obvious what she wanted), but I will tell you what I saw of someone (he) who married a rich person and my story at 12 years ago.

First is my senior. Hearing that he owns a house in an elite high class area surprised me. I know that he is not from the upper class, and although he has worked as a manager I know that his salary (seems) still not enough to buy a house on that area. It turns out that he married someone who owned a textile factory and was appointed to run it. One time he contacted and told me that he was stressed about his (works) life, chasing a target and had to take responsibility for it.

Other story came from my former boss’s husband — got a scholarship and came from a middle class family. He is a Caucasian who married a mixed Asian, daughter of a conglomerate. Was given a position as a branch manager and had to manage overseas sales. When the sales did not reach the target and had to explain to the in-law who is the director, of course he would get scolding, but that’s not all… plus the bonus of a wife get on nerves him like an employee (unlike a husband). Anyway, he looks very much in love with his wife; prepare her high heels, bags, coffee, supplement, massage her feet after coming home from work and many more everyday. Yes, he gets a Rolex, Tumi bags and access to fancy restaurants/hotels in branded clothes, but is he really happy??

Then back when I know someone who got scholarship and graduated from a prestigious university in my country. He has a different religion and comes from different circles, but we trying to get to know more. When visiting his house his mother said to me in front of him “Do you need a maid? I want to be a maid in your house if you need one.” If I were him I will be angry when my mother said that, but he didn’t… he just smiled. When we come home from work on the same bus (our place of work is close) and I’m not in a good mood at that time, he doesn’t ask anything and just talks about himself along the way. When we got off from the bus and I walked very slowly to see his reaction, he didn’t seem really care and walked ahead to get home.

One day I asked many things to get certainty. Such as is he satisfied with his current state (as he lives in a very simple house and and sometimes it was difficult to buy something because of limited financial condition)? He said yes. Does he like dogs? He said, one day there is a puppy try to licking his foot/shoe, so he kick the puppy — already a big NO for me. Will he go into polygamy? He said, if he could why not. From there I decide just to be a friend, but suddenly he said he was going to my house to ask for permission to be engaged. It was clear that all he was after just money.

Am I too idealist?

“When will I get married?”, I’ve heard enough of this. I’m not looking for someone who is handsome — attractive at least in my opinion, have the same Catholic faith (remember to be specific when ask for something), fear of God. Have the desire to succeed (optimist), so does the same interest in life; can walk side by side, not individually. Can accept me just the way I am, plus not a smoker.

Don’t be a daydreamer

If you crush on somebody, express your feelings but don’t overdo it. Get to know it first his/her personality, and don’t force yourself to be what he/she wants you to be or you won’t be happy. Love yourself before you share your love to others. Not that it is narcissistic, but respect all the shortcomings you have.

Have skills, be valuable. Therefore there is no need to chasing people, because they will be go after you. If all else fails, learn to see from a different point of view. Keep trying, because that doesn’t mean the world will end. If it hasn’t been given, it means we are still being prepared. If not (with him/her).. means waiting for the best. Just have faith, He knows what’s best for you.

Don’t forget to pray for your partner.. even though you don’t know who, because who knows there are still things that bind him/her in the past. When you already know the person, call out his/her name in prayer using 1 Corinthians 13: (His/her name) is patient, (His/her name) is kind. (His/her name) does not envy, etc.

That’s all I want to share. I hope this gives us a better view in assessing or making decisions in life.

A note for my little sister. I’m writing it here because I can’t say it directly, knowing how you’ll react. Dear GG, I know you want to have a sister who available for you whenever you need her, but unfortunately I’m not that person. I can’t always discuss things with you, but I try my best what I can do. Can’t always be by your side too, therefore you must learn to be happy, find out what you want to do and pursue it.

You know you’re an adult now and have to learn to make your own decisions. Make wise one, not based on emotions. Don’t complain/grumble if things don’t go as we want it to be, otherwise we will never feel His blessings. There are also things that sometimes don’t need to be asked, either because you already know the answer or it’s better not to know it.

Thank you for always remembering my birthday and congratulated me exactly at midnight. Live well and make it worth it.

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ʟ ᴜ ᴄ ʏ

I'm a part time (artist) who lives 17% in the digital world, 3% in the dream world and 80% in the real world.